Jersey Shore Family Vacation Season Finale Epitomize: Welcome to the Family

Last week's fight ends exactly equally it began: Amongst farthermost confusion. The house has been successfully defended, with no casualties. The gang'southward collective expert mood gets even sunnier when they watch Chrissy beat on Wajionni herself every bit they bulldoze away. And as has been the instance since the earliest summer days of Bailiwick of jersey Shore and the "Snooki punch," violence begets, well, bonding. In the auto, Angelina apologizes for her part in the rumble. "I defend people I like and I dearest, and I'one thousand sorry it did happen, simply …" Nicole cuts her off: "Welcome to the family unit!"

Back abode, Ronnie invokes Moses in describing how he led everyone in the gild outside, and the single dumbest theological debate in recorded history ensues. Angelina corrects him: Moses was the one who had all the animals. Uh, no, Nicole chimes in, Adam and Eve had all the animals. Well, Ronnie reminds us, Jesus came before all of them. "Adam and Eve banged each other to make more people," Angelina begins her explanation, a monologue that concludes with this truly baffling discussion-picture: "Jesus came and rode on his gunkhole." Nicole counters that Jesus "flew in." Okay, just how exercise cavemen fit into the whole thing, Angelina wants to know? There'due south naught quite like a organized religion-affirming, iv a.yard. Bible study with the spiral squad.

The adjacent morning, Ronnie awakens to a series of alarming texts: Jen (whom he hasn't spoken to since their last fight) reports that a infiltrator broke into her business firm while she was domicile with the infant. The other roommates are unanimously suspicious of her story, which features a number of eyebrow-raising details. A bag of bullets was institute in the lawn? And she still hasn't left the house? Could this exist an "within task," if non an outright prevarication? Is Jen the daughter who cried wolf, or the girl who dragged her baby'south father backside a car?

"Your life is a fucking movie," Deena says to Ron.

"It's a television evidence," he corrects her, grinning at the camera

"No," she doubles downward. "Similar, it'southward a bad movie lately."

The dudes take Ronnie out for lunch, where they can't restrain themselves from alarm him to take Jen'south account not with a grain of salt, but with an entire margarita drinking glass rim's worth. Pauly gently suggests she "conjured up" this "large story." At this, Mike takes an Untucked Lounge-worthy dramatic sip of his beverage. "She wouldn't do that," Ronnie says, though the data suggests otherwise. Instead, he blames the people she chooses to surround herself with. (Who, I wonder, was surrounding her in the driver's seat that fateful dark?) Nevertheless, Ron convinces Jen to take the baby to stay at his place. He'll fly out to join them tomorrow. First, he has some of import clemency work to practice.

In laurels of her beloved belatedly male parent, who died of leukemia, Deena has recruited her pals for a fundraiser to benefit the Exist the Friction match bone marrow transplant registry. At Point Pleasant's own Jenks, each cast member eagerly solicits donations from boardwalk strollers. (You lot, too, can donate hither, or join the Be the Friction match registry as a potential marrow donor online — they'll ship you lot a free cheek-swab kit in the mail. Exercise it! I signed up concluding year after Kathie Lee did a Today segment on Be the Lucifer that fabricated me weep!)

This is a very sweet and wholesome occasion. Danny from the Shore Store made everyone matching T-shirts. Ron whips upward a massive batch of Ron Ron Juice, using the elixir's powers for good, for once. Nicole's kids, Vinny's mom and Uncle Nino, and Roger are on manus, equally are both Chrises. (Even Pauly's number-one supporter Vanessa is there!)

DJ Pauly D spins for a rambunctious crowd during the evening'due south dance-a-thon-slash-live auction. Several immature women chip in $875 for the unheard-of privilege of touching Pauly'south blowout. (One girl's delighted review, interpreted via lip-reading: "It doesn't move!") Nine large-hearted, wet-livered philanthropists contribute a full of $2,400 (!) to each have a shot with Nicole. That'south correct: ix shots. The auction winners line up on phase and she gamely knocks back drink after drinkable. It is truly an athletic feat, and I look frontward to the 30 for thirty that will one day exist made about Nicole's great accomplishment. It's $850 to drop information technology like information technology'southward hot with JWoww (Uncle Nino, manifestly, included gratis with buy), $725 to trash-bag race Angelina, $900 to arm wrestle with Ronnie, and $one,200 to compete in a meatball-eating contest with Big Daddy Sitch (the meatballs were presumably complimentary, though, so I'd call that one a steal).

Before the night is through, emcee-slash-auctioneer-slash-shit-stirrer in chief Vinny summons Staten Isle Chris to the stage and leads the entire crowd in a chant of "Angelina own't got pounded out in a long fourth dimension." Almost this and approximately 1 meg other things, Chris continues to distinguish himself as an unreasonably practiced sport. (At first, I accidentally misspelled his name equally "Christ" in this sentence, which is a telling Freudian slip.)

In total, they raise more than $40,000! Deena cries happy tears and kisses the same photograph of her dad she pinned to her boutonniere on her wedding solar day. Angelina crowd-surfs. (And provides ane last Freudian slip opportunity of the season for me and my keyboard: "crowd-suffers.")

I'll see you lot and our dear macaroni rascals in 2019, when Bailiwick of jersey Shore: Family Vacation returns for a third season! Until and so, I, for one, will exist staring at this prototype of Pauly sans hair gel. It is the just sustenance I require.

Jersey Shore Family Vacation Recap: Welcome to the Family